Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
