What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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