I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
