I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
