Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
