my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
