Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
