Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
