I hate your face
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
