So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
