I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
