Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
