Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
