There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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