you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
