So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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