when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
