I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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