What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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