She announced her abortion via fbk
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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