You're my little dorito
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
