Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
