he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
