If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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