Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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