got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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