mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
