You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
