he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
