just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
