there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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