So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
