Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
