Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
