screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
