Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
this is an emotional support booty call
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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