I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
