I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
