Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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