Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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