Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
