I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
