the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
