his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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