I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's shark week go big or go home
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
