oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
