Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
