turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
