i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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