Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
