Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
