I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
