Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
