About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just found puke in my bra..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize