Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
