just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
