I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
