I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
