I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
