We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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