if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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