dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
