I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
