i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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