I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
