smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
