She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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